Re: [Tails-dev] Please review draft documentation for IUK

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Author: intrigeri
Date:  
To: The Tails public development discussion list
Subject: Re: [Tails-dev] Please review draft documentation for IUK
Hi,

sajolida@??? wrote (22 Dec 2013 22:06:26 GMT) :
> http://git.tails.boum.org/tails/tree/wiki/src/doc/first_steps/upgrade.mdwn?h=feature/incremental-upgrades-integration


> As always, think about the structure of the doc, the workflow, and the
> content first, then go into the phrasing if you want. I'll do the markup
> later on.


First, I'm confused. You wanted me (with pretty good reasons) to
rename "Tails Upgrader" to "Tails Incremental Upgrader", so I did that
a few weeks ago (and, well, it was quite painful). And now the doc
refers to "Tails Upgrader" everywhere. What's wrong?

> If you use Tails from a DVD or if your Tails device was not installed using
> Tails Installer, it is not possible to upgrade and you need to follow our
> [[installing instructions|download#media]] again with the new ISO image.


s/installing/installation/ ?

> - If an error occurs while checking for available upgrades:<br/>
> [[file:///usr/share/doc/tails/website/doc/upgrade/error/check.en.html|upgrade/error/check]]
> - If an error occurs while download the upgrade:<br/>
> [[file:///usr/share/doc/tails/website/doc/upgrade/error/download.en.html|upgrade/error/download]]
> - If an error occurs while installing the upgrade:<br/>
> [[file:///usr/share/doc/tails/website/doc/upgrade/error/install.en.html|upgrade/error/install]]


Links to file:///, really? This won't work for those who read this
page online, outside of Tails.

> In that case, <span class="application">Tails Installer</span> allows you to
> manually upgrade a USB stick or SD card to a newer version of Tails.


>   - [[Upgrade by cloning from another device|upgrade#clone]] which already
>     runs a newer version of Tails
>   - [[Upgrade from an ISO image|upgrade#from_iso]] of a newer version of
>     Tails


Needs some linking words between the first sentence and the bullet
list, maybe?

In doc/upgrade/error, I read "Check your network connection, and
restart Tails to try upgrading again." but this is not really about
"upgrading", as most likely there is no upgrade available. "Checking
for available upgrades", instead?

Other than this, all this seems very good to me, congrats!

> I also had to propose several changes to the dialogs and
> error messages.


Thanks -- I'll look at it later, probably tomorrow.

Cheers,
--
intrigeri
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